Lazy Monday

Today of course is Monday. I always have mixed feelings about Mondays. To me they often seem full of promise...the promise of a new week, a new start, and productivity....the beginning of a week full, hopefully of accomplishment, which leads to feelings of satisfaction. Regardless of my self-proclaimed occupation of a slacker I delight in achieving. So I look forward to Monday mornings for that reason. I also dread Mondays because of the promise that day holds in my mind. I will be disappointed in myself once again if the week comes and goes and I feel that I have not achieved something.

Problem is that all too often I am unsure of what it is that I need or want to accomplish in any given week. Not because I sit on my arse all week long doing nothing. I have plenty of work and I work hard. And not because I am directionless. I have many ideas and dreams and I have worked to achieve these in the past. However, there is still a problem. Suffice it to say that I feel unchallenged, which leads to my frustration. I need something to accomplish, that I am excited and passionate about. This might take some thought. I don't truly enjoy being a procrastinating slacker but I am lost in an ocean of uncertainty as to what the next step in my personal path might be, the big picture not the day to day stuff, it is the years from now.

Do not take this as whining however, I am not whining, simply thinking outwardly. It will come to me eventually what should come next. At least after what feels like several months, I am more settled in my new house. It is an odd need of mine to be organized and settled in my environment before I feel that I can....can....well you know....whatever it is that should come next in the big picture that I haven't figured out yet. (lol)

I try to live in the moment but I still feel a need to keep on eye on the future. I do best when I have plans and goals. (Sometimes that feels like a contradiction. Be in the moment, plan for the future, huh?) This is what I feel like I lack lately. But given my circumstances I am somewhat unsure of my next move. So perhaps that is the challenge in front of me. How to plan for my future without destroying the now.

okay....okay....enough rambling and borderline whining. Whatever your needs for this week, I hope you achieve them. It is a pat thing to say...have a nice week...but isn't that to a large extent what it is all about, feeling satisfied - being happy? I wish you a good one.