Wow! Its been a week since I have posted anything! It would appear that my brain may have shut down, but actually that is not the case at all; well maybe it is the case....oh I just don't know! If you were the adminstrator you would know that there are several drafts saved which were deemed not worthy at this time of being posted, perhaps will never be posted (especially since I Am the adminstrator around here!). We are headed in a direction here, I just am unsure of which direction it is. Let's hope up, shall we.
I have looked at a few other blogs. Some are interesting entertainment, others have a statement to make, and still others are personal accounts of the individual's life. It is that last category that troubles me somewhat. I think my blog falls into that last category, although from time to time I have a statement to make (effectively or not....we will not decide that here and now) but for the most part this blog is a take on my world seen through my eyes. I do not want it to be a diary of my daily events and I definitely do not want it to became a whining, bitching, complaining, waaa-waaa why me - can you believe (insert name) did this to me blog. I have seen plenty blogs out there like that and while I imagine that it might seem cleansing to the mind to piss and moan, I do not believe that it is entirely beneficial to the soul. Something about ones attitude and ones mood going hand in hand and another thing about mind over matter or some such thing. Anyway it all leads to the fact that while we might not have total power or control over our lives, we do have control over our responses and our attitudes.
All that said leads me to why I haven't posted much lately. It is because I am struggling not to piss and moan...bitching will get me absolutely no where. The only problem with this line of thought is that in my struggle to not complain I am still getting nowhere. I am wasting all my energy trying to pretend that everything is fine. Everything is NOT fine...there I have said it....definitely not fine, not by a long shot. I have been treated in ways that I do not deserve especially by those closest to me. I have allowed their hurtful ways to change me. I am angry that I have allowed all this!
I have turned into exactly the type of person I always swore that I would not be. There, now I've said that also. Its out! My life, like most everyone else's life has not turned out the way I expected it to. And along the way I have tried to remain flexible and learn how to make the best of almost everything. But now I find myself stuck. Lemons all around me but I lack the strength to make lemonade.
I am not doing what I know might help the situation, and I am doing things that might hurt the situation. If I have any major pet peeves that would be it. And now I am doing exactly what bugs me the most in others. I am starting to understand how people get into situations and feel like they cannot help themselves. But that is bull! So once again I am going to pull myself up by my boot straps (I really need to buy some, would make the pulling easier hardy har har) give myself a bit of a kick and straighten back up!
N would tell me to meditate. Especially because many of the problems really have no good apparent solutions...unapparent solutions would emerge during meditation. And even if no solutions were found it would give me a peace, which in itself is a solution! So I will start to follow his advice. I was meditating but when we moved I stopped. It really did help immensely!
S would tell me to do the Artist Way and my morning pages. (yeah, I'm talking about you here :-p ) I'm not trying very hard in this department. I even contracted with myself to work through this, but I will not beat myself about it but just resolve to pick it up and continue the work. I really, really want to start drawing again...I really, really am finding it difficult to do!
I would tell myself to be more consistant in my exercise and eat better. Mum would tell me to take my vitamins. This all would help my energy level and my moods. I also should tell myself to be more gentle with myself (I wouldn't usual tell myself that but I have been too hard even for me....I am so much harder on me than I ever am on anyone else).
And now enough whining! I need to move on. Don't be surprised if you detect a bit more from time to time but I promise to check it and not let it get out of hand. I always remember that there are plenty of people in much worse circumstances and plenty of them do not whine at all!
So let's move on and get moving!
I have looked at a few other blogs. Some are interesting entertainment, others have a statement to make, and still others are personal accounts of the individual's life. It is that last category that troubles me somewhat. I think my blog falls into that last category, although from time to time I have a statement to make (effectively or not....we will not decide that here and now) but for the most part this blog is a take on my world seen through my eyes. I do not want it to be a diary of my daily events and I definitely do not want it to became a whining, bitching, complaining, waaa-waaa why me - can you believe (insert name) did this to me blog. I have seen plenty blogs out there like that and while I imagine that it might seem cleansing to the mind to piss and moan, I do not believe that it is entirely beneficial to the soul. Something about ones attitude and ones mood going hand in hand and another thing about mind over matter or some such thing. Anyway it all leads to the fact that while we might not have total power or control over our lives, we do have control over our responses and our attitudes.
All that said leads me to why I haven't posted much lately. It is because I am struggling not to piss and moan...bitching will get me absolutely no where. The only problem with this line of thought is that in my struggle to not complain I am still getting nowhere. I am wasting all my energy trying to pretend that everything is fine. Everything is NOT fine...there I have said it....definitely not fine, not by a long shot. I have been treated in ways that I do not deserve especially by those closest to me. I have allowed their hurtful ways to change me. I am angry that I have allowed all this!
I have turned into exactly the type of person I always swore that I would not be. There, now I've said that also. Its out! My life, like most everyone else's life has not turned out the way I expected it to. And along the way I have tried to remain flexible and learn how to make the best of almost everything. But now I find myself stuck. Lemons all around me but I lack the strength to make lemonade.
I am not doing what I know might help the situation, and I am doing things that might hurt the situation. If I have any major pet peeves that would be it. And now I am doing exactly what bugs me the most in others. I am starting to understand how people get into situations and feel like they cannot help themselves. But that is bull! So once again I am going to pull myself up by my boot straps (I really need to buy some, would make the pulling easier hardy har har) give myself a bit of a kick and straighten back up!
N would tell me to meditate. Especially because many of the problems really have no good apparent solutions...unapparent solutions would emerge during meditation. And even if no solutions were found it would give me a peace, which in itself is a solution! So I will start to follow his advice. I was meditating but when we moved I stopped. It really did help immensely!
S would tell me to do the Artist Way and my morning pages. (yeah, I'm talking about you here :-p ) I'm not trying very hard in this department. I even contracted with myself to work through this, but I will not beat myself about it but just resolve to pick it up and continue the work. I really, really want to start drawing again...I really, really am finding it difficult to do!
I would tell myself to be more consistant in my exercise and eat better. Mum would tell me to take my vitamins. This all would help my energy level and my moods. I also should tell myself to be more gentle with myself (I wouldn't usual tell myself that but I have been too hard even for me....I am so much harder on me than I ever am on anyone else).
And now enough whining! I need to move on. Don't be surprised if you detect a bit more from time to time but I promise to check it and not let it get out of hand. I always remember that there are plenty of people in much worse circumstances and plenty of them do not whine at all!
So let's move on and get moving!
posted by Erika at
8:32 AM
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